I'm not here to impress. I write to clear my mind and as such, my train of thoughts might be either brilliant or junk.
@ 23.1.10
I feel like fuck. I can't sleep. I pretended to sleep though, so my cousins will. They've fallen asleep and I sneaked out quietly to the living room to blog. I have to write what's in my heart or I don't think I can bear it. Today was such a roller coaster ride of emotions. I feel so much in me I think I'll explode.
When I think they've fallen asleep, I rolled over on my stomach and lifted my head with my palms supporting my chin. With the night lamp on, I can clearly make out her features. As I watched my 11-year-old cousin sleep, I was overwhelmed with such strong emotions. What have they done to deserve this? I mean really. So their parents got a divorce and their mother remarried. So what? Is that their fault? Is it their fault their replacement Dad is a bastard? Is it their fault that their biological father isn't around to protect them from the constant verbal abuse? Is it really their fault that their academics are suffering?
How in fuck's sake can they get clever when they have to do housework after school? How are they suppose to improve when they don't even get a chance to study? Instead, they have to lull their 2 month old brother to sleep when other kids are studying and going for tuition. You tell me. You tell me how it is fair for you to mock and yell at them when you've never even given them your full undivided attention before. HOW! Shit! I really want to hit something right now! I really really do.
It just feels horrible to hear that bastard mock her like that. In front of me. Who the fuck are you? You're not her father. You think just because you're her step father you can say whatever you want? Just because their real father isn't around, you think you can get away with mistreating them? Dude, I've never liked you. I never liked the idea of my aunt marrying you. You might ask me why the hell I call you 'Uncle' Shahrin. Well fucktard, that's definitely not because I respect you or any of that kind of bullshit. It's cause I know my aunt's gonna freak if I call you Shahrin. What difference does it make? I always refer to you as Shahrin anyway when Aunt and you're not around. Fuck you mann. How can you treat them like that? They're only kids... Do you feel satisfied threatening them? You feel some sort of fulfillment is it, fucker? You're just pathetic. You're like what? Middle-aged and you still pick on kids? That's just sad.
What scares me the most is how long my cousins can take this crap. Dhirah, just hang on and you and your sis need to stick together no matter what.